Christmas is one of my favorite celebrations. Aside from the cool breeze of air in the evening until dawn, the people's hearts are open for kindness and forgiveness.
This Christmas 2010, I thank God for giving me 2 kids who are the source of my strength when I am lonely or when I have problems. I thank God for the work that I have now. I am able to support my kids more than enough. I thank God for my family and friends who make my life brighter. And most of all, I thank God for ArBau who is my joy and inspiration. I thank God( though sometimes they will be lighter) for the sad moments and sufferings in my life this 2010. They made me a better person....open-minded, understanding, tough, forgiving...hopeful.
I hope to have some extra fortune so I can visit Liza and her family and give them something for noche buena. Joel, her husband, does not have job now. Liza is my friend and I don't have to look for a place to do an outreach...all I need is to go to her house.
Merry Christmas to all who will be able to read my blog here. May you find contentment and happiness in your heart. May you do good deeds to others because Jesus, the star of Christmas, is in your heart.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
About Freedom
Moving out from someone's umbrella of ownership can be considered as freedom already. I felt like a caged bird who flew away, scarred, a bit not ready to conquer the sky, but determined to overcome all obstacles...in God's help. I need to work harder, save when there is a chance...have to be a good captain of my ship or else I will sink alive. The happy memories in Del Pilar will be forever cherished, the struggles and dreams in Summerfield will be kept in my heart as a lesson.
I still feel the pain everytime I think of this, tears fell for so many times....it is time to move on. In life there are things that I have to accept...no matter how difficult or painful these realities are.
Some people abused my kindness. Just like what I've promised to myself...show some FIRE from now on...but do not forget...it's still very good to be nice, respectful, and loyal.
I still feel the pain everytime I think of this, tears fell for so many times....it is time to move on. In life there are things that I have to accept...no matter how difficult or painful these realities are.
Some people abused my kindness. Just like what I've promised to myself...show some FIRE from now on...but do not forget...it's still very good to be nice, respectful, and loyal.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Face the WALL
Every Tuesday I am oblige to attend a session about administrative training/concepts/projects. I can still remember that I was so sleepy last Tuesday during the session. Yes, I can clearly hear what the speaker was saying but not all were getting into my system that much...until I heard the thing about THE WALL. It caught my attention and I believed I forgot that I was a sleepy head during that time.
The Brother speaker said in our lives we are passing 6 stages. When we are young, there is dependence to others because of course we need to be fed, we need shelter and clothing. In the second stage,I believe it's about gradually moving out from dependency because people have graduated already and have works now. In the third stage, this is the time wherein people are more on achievements, building or reaping the fruits of their own efforts. This is more on prestige, power, materialism.
The WALL comes in stage 4.
He said this is the stage of our lives wherein we are faced with problems, sickness, feeling of being incomplete, feeling of being tired with life because of so many reasons. People do not like to face the wall. Why? This is because you will see here what you did to your life, the story of your liffe will be shown like in a movie. You will see the good, bad, and the worse part of you. It is like a mirror of your past that will haunt you. And if you want to face this wall, you have to face yourself. You have to accept who you are and all the wrongs that you did to yourself. It is actually ACCEPTANCE. Bad or good...you have to accept them all. It is really hard to cross and face this WALL in our lives because it takes courage, humility and maturity to do it.
For once, I asked myself if I unknowingly faced the WALL already. After a week of thinking (yes, I thought of this for so many times before I sleep at night huh), I can say I HAVE FACED THE WALL bravely...and I am proud of it.
In my 34 years of existence, I have experienced happiness and sorrows, I've made mistakes, I suffered, left out in the dark...but I managed to get out from hell(of emotions) and smile again. How did I do it? I faced the wall...I have admitted my mistakes...I have promised that I will love myself and not let others abuse my kindness...I have accepted the directions that God wants me to be(no questions asked)...I have promised Him that I will be more prayerful.
That's my experience...and for me...because of that..I have faced the wall.
The Brother speaker said in our lives we are passing 6 stages. When we are young, there is dependence to others because of course we need to be fed, we need shelter and clothing. In the second stage,I believe it's about gradually moving out from dependency because people have graduated already and have works now. In the third stage, this is the time wherein people are more on achievements, building or reaping the fruits of their own efforts. This is more on prestige, power, materialism.
The WALL comes in stage 4.
He said this is the stage of our lives wherein we are faced with problems, sickness, feeling of being incomplete, feeling of being tired with life because of so many reasons. People do not like to face the wall. Why? This is because you will see here what you did to your life, the story of your liffe will be shown like in a movie. You will see the good, bad, and the worse part of you. It is like a mirror of your past that will haunt you. And if you want to face this wall, you have to face yourself. You have to accept who you are and all the wrongs that you did to yourself. It is actually ACCEPTANCE. Bad or good...you have to accept them all. It is really hard to cross and face this WALL in our lives because it takes courage, humility and maturity to do it.
For once, I asked myself if I unknowingly faced the WALL already. After a week of thinking (yes, I thought of this for so many times before I sleep at night huh), I can say I HAVE FACED THE WALL bravely...and I am proud of it.
In my 34 years of existence, I have experienced happiness and sorrows, I've made mistakes, I suffered, left out in the dark...but I managed to get out from hell(of emotions) and smile again. How did I do it? I faced the wall...I have admitted my mistakes...I have promised that I will love myself and not let others abuse my kindness...I have accepted the directions that God wants me to be(no questions asked)...I have promised Him that I will be more prayerful.
That's my experience...and for me...because of that..I have faced the wall.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Ilaw Ng Aming Tahanan
Malapit na ang kaarawan ng aking ina. Taun-taon ay lagi kong naiisip ang pamamatnubay, pagmamahal at pagsasakripisyo niya para sa aming lahat.
Masasabi kong napakasipag ng aking ina. Pagmulat ng kanyang mata mula umaga hanggang gabi ay inaasikaso niya ang aking mga kapatid, ang aking ama, pati na ang kanyang mga apo. Kung tutuusin ay hindi na niya dapat ginagawa ang sobrang trabaho na nakikita kong ginagawa niya pag umuuwi ako sa Tuy. Sa isang tulad niyang sisenta y singko na,dapat ay nagpapaalwan na siya sa buhay. Pero hindi, ginagampananpa rin niya ang pagiging ulirang ilaw ng tahanan, walang pagod sa pagpaparamdam ng kanyang pagdamay at pagmamahal. Kaya naman pag umuuwi ako sa Tuy, pinipilit kong akuin ang mga ginagawa niya. Maaga akong gumigising para maglinis ng bakuran, magluto, maglinis ng bahay, maghugas ng pinggan. Duon man langmagawa ko siyang pagpahingahin kahit isa o dalawang araw lang.
Kilala niya ng lubusan kaming mga anak niya. Isang halimbawa ay pag kinukumusta niya ako kapag ako ay umuuwi. Maawa raw ako sa sarili ko kung hanggang alas onse ng hatinggabi ay gising pa ako. Inuusisa niya sa akin ang personal kong buhay, kung ano na ang nangyayari sa akin, na lagi akong mag-iingat dahil mag-isa lang ako sa Cavite, mag-isang dinadala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na ipinapaalam ang mga hirap na nararanasan ko sa buhay ko para lamang mapatakbo iyon ng maayos. Ayaw ko na iniisip pa niya ako. Pero ang huling problema na hinarap ko, di ko na naitago pa dahil kung sa tanim sa bukid ay kasabihang humapay ako, binagyo. At naroon ang mga pamilya ko, ang mga kapatid ko, ang mga magulang ko, ang inay ko...inunawa ako, at ibinibigay pa rin ang pagtitiwala na para sa unang anak na tulad ko. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang matalinhagang pangungusap ng Inay,"Sa tamang panahon magiging masaya ka din. Hayaan mo lang ang tadhana ang mamili ng tamang tao para syo. Wag mong ipilit ang mga bagay bagay, darating yon sa panahong di mo inaasahan. Huwag matigas ang ulo mo."
Minsan naisip ko na kahit kahawig ako ni Tatay,madami akong minana kay Inay. Ang pagiging malakas, masipag, mapagmahal, at kakayahang magsakripisyo ang ilan lamang sa mga iyon. Ipinagpapasalamat ko ang magandang paghubog niya sa akin na tumayo sa sariling paa ang naging kaagapay ko sa mga bagyong dumaan sa buhay ko, na kahit anong lugmok ay babangon ulit.
Alam kong hahanapin niya ang presensiya ko sa kanyang kaarawan dahil malayo ako. Naghihintay lang ako ng tamang araw para mapasaya ko naman muli ang aking ina...kahit mahuli pa ako. Maligayang kaarawan sa nag-iisang tao na iniidolo ko....ang aking Ina.
Masasabi kong napakasipag ng aking ina. Pagmulat ng kanyang mata mula umaga hanggang gabi ay inaasikaso niya ang aking mga kapatid, ang aking ama, pati na ang kanyang mga apo. Kung tutuusin ay hindi na niya dapat ginagawa ang sobrang trabaho na nakikita kong ginagawa niya pag umuuwi ako sa Tuy. Sa isang tulad niyang sisenta y singko na,dapat ay nagpapaalwan na siya sa buhay. Pero hindi, ginagampananpa rin niya ang pagiging ulirang ilaw ng tahanan, walang pagod sa pagpaparamdam ng kanyang pagdamay at pagmamahal. Kaya naman pag umuuwi ako sa Tuy, pinipilit kong akuin ang mga ginagawa niya. Maaga akong gumigising para maglinis ng bakuran, magluto, maglinis ng bahay, maghugas ng pinggan. Duon man langmagawa ko siyang pagpahingahin kahit isa o dalawang araw lang.
Kilala niya ng lubusan kaming mga anak niya. Isang halimbawa ay pag kinukumusta niya ako kapag ako ay umuuwi. Maawa raw ako sa sarili ko kung hanggang alas onse ng hatinggabi ay gising pa ako. Inuusisa niya sa akin ang personal kong buhay, kung ano na ang nangyayari sa akin, na lagi akong mag-iingat dahil mag-isa lang ako sa Cavite, mag-isang dinadala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na ipinapaalam ang mga hirap na nararanasan ko sa buhay ko para lamang mapatakbo iyon ng maayos. Ayaw ko na iniisip pa niya ako. Pero ang huling problema na hinarap ko, di ko na naitago pa dahil kung sa tanim sa bukid ay kasabihang humapay ako, binagyo. At naroon ang mga pamilya ko, ang mga kapatid ko, ang mga magulang ko, ang inay ko...inunawa ako, at ibinibigay pa rin ang pagtitiwala na para sa unang anak na tulad ko. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang matalinhagang pangungusap ng Inay,"Sa tamang panahon magiging masaya ka din. Hayaan mo lang ang tadhana ang mamili ng tamang tao para syo. Wag mong ipilit ang mga bagay bagay, darating yon sa panahong di mo inaasahan. Huwag matigas ang ulo mo."
Minsan naisip ko na kahit kahawig ako ni Tatay,madami akong minana kay Inay. Ang pagiging malakas, masipag, mapagmahal, at kakayahang magsakripisyo ang ilan lamang sa mga iyon. Ipinagpapasalamat ko ang magandang paghubog niya sa akin na tumayo sa sariling paa ang naging kaagapay ko sa mga bagyong dumaan sa buhay ko, na kahit anong lugmok ay babangon ulit.
Alam kong hahanapin niya ang presensiya ko sa kanyang kaarawan dahil malayo ako. Naghihintay lang ako ng tamang araw para mapasaya ko naman muli ang aking ina...kahit mahuli pa ako. Maligayang kaarawan sa nag-iisang tao na iniidolo ko....ang aking Ina.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Get a Life
I do not know if all these works are meant to keep myself from thinking many problems. But just the same, it helps.
From 8am till 4:30PM, I am getting gaga with the works in my department(from post conferences to long meetings, etc). I must not feel the pain of whatever problems I have now, my subordinates need me, my kids need me, my siblings look up to me, people are expecting much from me. It's do or die. And I don't want the negative vibes to swallow me alive, so here I am ....surviving, taking each time to get up and start all over again.
I will give a rest to my ....no, I don't want to call it foolishness. I will call it sweet arrest. Charge everything to experience.
Josie is right. I must get a life. I must not abuse myself, I must enjoy because life is short. Who knows, maybe this time I may find the right one.
From 8am till 4:30PM, I am getting gaga with the works in my department(from post conferences to long meetings, etc). I must not feel the pain of whatever problems I have now, my subordinates need me, my kids need me, my siblings look up to me, people are expecting much from me. It's do or die. And I don't want the negative vibes to swallow me alive, so here I am ....surviving, taking each time to get up and start all over again.
I will give a rest to my ....no, I don't want to call it foolishness. I will call it sweet arrest. Charge everything to experience.
Josie is right. I must get a life. I must not abuse myself, I must enjoy because life is short. Who knows, maybe this time I may find the right one.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Four in a Row
Four consecutive months....four different struggles. I think those are too much already. I want to ask God "What are you trying to tell us...to my family?". We had enough already.
Last March, my nephew was hospitalized due to appendicitis. My sister and brother-in-law got tortured about the many bills that they had to pay. We almost lost Bibo, my smart nephew.
When April came, my father was hospitalized also in Batangas City due to prostate concerns. The family stayed there for almost a week.
Last May, the father of my brother-in-law suffered enlargement of the stomach due to cancer(not so sure about this). But the sad part is, he died after being hospitalized for almost 2 weeks.
Last June 1, my sister Zsazsa met a road mishap,jeepney against a ten wheeler truck in Batangas. I can't stand the sight of my sister when I visited her in the hospital. She suffered fractures in her arm and face. We had to transfer her to the UST Hospital for two operations. The operations lasted for 12 hours, from 7am to 7pm. My sister is on her way to recovery now but the memory of the accident will surely haunt her. Thanks to the caring doctors and nurses of UST. Thanks also to my other sister, Coly, and to my future brother-in-law, Vhido, for the untiring support and love to Shak. Thanks to all who prayed for Shak during the operation. Thanks Lola Lucia for your love to us. To my Ninang Remmie's family, may the good Lord bless you forever!
Maybe God is telling the family to be more prayerful and support each other in times of happiness and sorrow.
I hope there is no more...fifth. In the name of God!
Last March, my nephew was hospitalized due to appendicitis. My sister and brother-in-law got tortured about the many bills that they had to pay. We almost lost Bibo, my smart nephew.
When April came, my father was hospitalized also in Batangas City due to prostate concerns. The family stayed there for almost a week.
Last May, the father of my brother-in-law suffered enlargement of the stomach due to cancer(not so sure about this). But the sad part is, he died after being hospitalized for almost 2 weeks.
Last June 1, my sister Zsazsa met a road mishap,jeepney against a ten wheeler truck in Batangas. I can't stand the sight of my sister when I visited her in the hospital. She suffered fractures in her arm and face. We had to transfer her to the UST Hospital for two operations. The operations lasted for 12 hours, from 7am to 7pm. My sister is on her way to recovery now but the memory of the accident will surely haunt her. Thanks to the caring doctors and nurses of UST. Thanks also to my other sister, Coly, and to my future brother-in-law, Vhido, for the untiring support and love to Shak. Thanks to all who prayed for Shak during the operation. Thanks Lola Lucia for your love to us. To my Ninang Remmie's family, may the good Lord bless you forever!
Maybe God is telling the family to be more prayerful and support each other in times of happiness and sorrow.
I hope there is no more...fifth. In the name of God!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Hey 2010
This is my first 2010 blog. Whew!
I am hoping 2010 will not be bad for me coz I am already encountering problems. I am trying my best to control everything but I am always considering emotions and not making my brain works all the time. What can I do? I don't want to be mean.
Change channel.
I enjoy seeing my new house, new pet puppies, new neighbors, new environment. I think these are the good side of my new year.
I am tired. Gotta go now.
I am hoping 2010 will not be bad for me coz I am already encountering problems. I am trying my best to control everything but I am always considering emotions and not making my brain works all the time. What can I do? I don't want to be mean.
Change channel.
I enjoy seeing my new house, new pet puppies, new neighbors, new environment. I think these are the good side of my new year.
I am tired. Gotta go now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)